Very Rambly

Yesterday I got accepted into the Acadia University Education Program. It starts this May - in about six weeks, so I'm trying to get organized. A place to live, finances, and trying to clue up things here. I'm very excited that I'm going.

I have two important things I need to take care of before leaving. Firstly, and most importantly is my relationship with Tracy. Things seem to happen very quickly for us - one moment we're having coffee the next spending hours driving around to spending a lot of time together - most days and nights. She has completely taken me - I'm so surprised by it all and it's great! She's is an amazing woman and I see so much potential in our relationship - I have no hesitation telling her how I feel which amazes me! I love her and worry about her a lot.

The past few weeks we've gotten to know each other much better - our everyday lives, our quirks. Like tonight, I came over to see her tonight, although later than most nights, and she was already gone to bed. So, she's asleep next to me, I'm online with the game (March Madness) on the TV. I'm hoping tomorrow or some time over the weekend I can sit and watch some basketball with her boys - Shane played basketball and I told him we'd watch some. Not sure if either of the boys have the same interest as me, but never know.

I'm so smitten with Tracy that she makes me feel warm inside. Also, I think about our future. Even though I'm leaving for school I think about 'us' and how every decision effects 'us'. Something I've never thought about before - not sure if Tracy realized that. I'm use to doing my thing and not worry about others - well, except my family (I'm fortunate that I have a family like I do!). That's one thing I do love about Tracy is her family - it's important to her.

I've never given myself to anyone - normally I keep a wall up in case it doesn't work out - I haven't invested too much of myself into anyone until now. Maybe that's been my issue throughout my life. I do worry that we're not on the same page - that's my insecurities coming out. Sometimes she'll say things that I'm not sure how to take - so I let them go. I don't take them personally - not sure if she's trying to get a rise out of me or not, so I take in consideration everything going on and move on.

She is excited and very supportive of me going back to school, which is wonderful for me. I've not had that so it's scary for me - not use to having someone like that.

What does this all mean? Not sure and for the first time I need to think about it all and actually have a 'adult' discussion. I want Tracy to be with me and 'us' to be happy and live out our days - like 'normal' people/family. We will always have our own thing, and that's what I want.

The other thing is baseball. I have to give up coaching locally - my boys, my team. It sucks, but I have to do what I want to do. I will continue to coach the Terra Novas and go to the Canada Games in August, but will give up the Midgets. Part of me is sad and concerned about it because I might not coach again for a few summers - it is something I love and will miss.

Rambled on about two things in my life. Both are important, although Tracy is the one person I want to wake up to every morning. I'm looking forward to the future - to school, my relationship, the summer, and much more. It's late and I'm getting sleepy.